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Many people think of sensual or erotic massage as the ten-minute back
rub you give your partner as a prelude to doing the nasty. Not true.
Sensual massage can be a fulfilling sexual experience in and of itself.
Imagine: after stroking your lover into a deep state of bliss, you bring
him or her to an earthshaking orgasm—with your fingers.
Everyone should try sensual massage: longtime marrieds, live-in lovers
seeking spice for their comfortable relationships, new couples hoping to
learn more about one another, same-sex, heterosexual or multi-partner
couples, tawdry affairs, vacation flings or anyone looking to connect
with their partner in a new, exciting way. As sensual massage is less
threatening than "traditional" forms of intercourse, it can be a great
way to safely experiment with new ideas, partners or forms of sexual
identification. Set the Mood
The first step to sensual massage is creating an appealing
atmosphere, one that caters to all five senses.
- Create Quiet. Lock the door, turn off the phone's ringer and
make sure you aren't disturbed for a few hours. Don't forget to turn
off your cell phone, pager and computer.
- Appeal to Touch. If you have a massage table, use it. If, like
most of us, you do not, then use the bed. Change the sheets, fluff
the pillows and fold down the covers in an appealing way. You might
want to lay a clean white sheet over your bedding to protect it from
the oils and other liquids used in sensual massage. Provide your
partner with a satin, silk or terry-cloth robe to wear before and
after the massage, something comfortable and pleasing to the touch.
- Appeal to Sight. Turn off any lamps or overhead lighting and
illuminate the room with scented candles or oil-burning lamps. Place
a bowl of fresh fruit or flowers on the night stand. Hide anything
unsightly, such as laundry or dirty dishes.
- Appeal to Smell. Burn some sensual or aromatic incense, such as
lavender, ylang ylang, sandalwood or nag champa. But make sure your
partner isn't sensitive to smell—some people react to incense with
headaches, nausea or worse.
- Appeal to Taste. Have a pitcher filled with cold water nearby.
You might also consider a bowl of strawberries, a few pieces of rich
chocolate, or some other small finger food you know your partner
loves. If you and your partner drink alcohol, uncork a bottle of
good champagne—but don't get too intoxicated.
- Appeal to Sound. Fill the room with sensual music. If you don't
have a multi-CD changer, make sure to hit "repeat" on your CD
player. The last thing you want to do is stop the massage to change
the CD.
Get Ready
Start with a shower. If you and your partner are already sexual
with one another, take your shower together. If not, shower before
he or she arrives, and encourage him or her to do the same. Remember
to have clean towels and luxurious bath products available; you want
sensuality to be the theme for the night. Clip your fingernails.
This cannot be stressed enough.
Having a couple of towels nearby would be smart. When lying face
up, many are more comfortable with a rolled towel underneath their
knees or ankles. Likewise, when face down, many people prefer to
rest their head on a towel or pillow.
Other than a quiet, appealing space, you don't need many props for a
satisfying sensual massage. You might want feathers, toys or other
tantalizing objects nearby, but all you really need is a good bottle
or two of flavored massage oil and some lubricant to be used when
massaging their genitals. Use oil-based, water-based or
silicone-based lubricants on men, but to avoid vaginal infections,
only use water-based lubricants on women.
Communicate
Talk to your partner about your upcoming experience. Make sure he or
she understands the difference between Swedish and sensual massage.
Make sure the recipient feels comfortable telling you if he or she
is experiencing anything he or she does not like: touch, sensation,
lubrication, hot room, weird music, etc. Remember to relax,
communicate and be honest with each other.
Connect
Start by connecting with your partner. This will vary from couple to
couple, so follow your instincts. You might kiss his or her face,
lightly touch his or her body, or gaze into one another's eyes. When
you both feel connected, invite your partner to lie face down on the
massage table or bed, and arrange pillows and towels to his or her
liking. Relax
Begin by lightly stroking your partner's body with the tips of
your fingers. Start with the back, then move to the shoulders, arms,
buttocks, thighs and calves. Remember to use only light, teasing
strokes. When you sense that your partner is relaxed (you might have
to ask), you are ready to progress to massage. Body Massage
Get out the massage oil and pour about two
tablespoons into the palm of your hand. Rub your hands together
lightly. When the oil is warm and evenly distributed, begin
massaging your partner's back with long, deep strokes. At the
beginning, communicate frequently with your partner to determine if
the strokes are too hard or too soft. Keep your hands in contact
with your partner at all times, take your time with each
rhythmic-yet-sensitive stroke, and proceed from long, gliding
strokes to shorter, deeper strokes. Use your body weight rather than
your arm strength for deep strokes; during gliding strokes, keep
your knees slightly bent and fluid, and don't lean over the table.
Once you have developed a rhythm you are both happy with, move on to
the shoulders and arms, and progress to the legs and feet, brushing
the buttocks as you move up and down your partner's body. Ask your
partner to turn over and begin massaging the chest, arms and hands.
Pay special attention to your female partner's breasts: don't be too
invasive at this stage, but don't ignore them. Glide down to the
legs, brushing the genitals on your way down. After finishing the
fronts of the legs and feet, glide back up and slowly brush over the
genitals. Tease your partner by brushing his or her inner thighs
near the genitals, and very lightly touching the pubic region. Try a
few special massage touches. Allow the erotic energy to build until
it seems like a natural time to start shifting the focus to more
explicitly sexual activities.
Look into your partner's eyes as you begin touching his or her
genitals. Make sure the rapport you built at the beginning of the
massage still exists; if it does not, try to reestablish it by
slowing down and asking your partner a few questions about what he
or she is experiencing. As you proceed with genital massage,
remember to use your free hand to tease the rest of your partner's
body. |
